Monday, May 9, 2011

EPISODE EIGHTY-THREE: Over the Hills and Far Away

As agreed, the next morning Jeff meets the party outside the motel in his mom's minivan. Once the party was aboard, and after they stopped at a Texaco station for gas, they headed westbound on Mordentshire Road away from Laurenstown toward the foothills of the Echigoya Mountains.

It's about a 45-minute drive from Laurenstown to the train station in Mordentshire, a town which sits at a highway and railway junction, nestled in the foothills. On the way, of course, the group engages in even more idle conversation.

Jeff (to TRITHAL): "This has been bugging me since yesterday... What the hell is all that 'Macha' talk in the letter the Master left you?"

TRITHAL: "Well, if I told you, you probably wouldn't believe me. Let's just say that Master Hitukiri, Minako and I share a bond much deeper than most other families these days."

Jeff: "Then how would you explain the fact that your power level is much higher than the master's was, yet you were only a student of his for two years. I've been with the dojo for ten years, yet I'm no where near that powerful! You're almost super-human! I'm positive that Macha stuff has something to do with that."

TRITHAL, trying as hard as he can to avoid having to tell the whole Macha story from Episode 22 again, responds "Who knows? Maybe I'm some kind of prodigy or something!"

THRAX: "Pssh! Trithal, quit trying to be vague like Axem!" (to Jeff) "Trithal's girlfriend Minako was also one of these mystical beings called Macha, which have the ability to transfer their souls and memories from one person to the next. When Minako died, she transferred her soul and memories to Trithal. According to the letter your dead master wrote... he, also, was a Macha who let his soul die with his body--"

Jeff: "Wait... back up a minute... You're telling me that Tsutaru now has Minako's memories?... oh God.... oh my God!..."

Jeff begins to have a 'freak-out' attack a'la Family Guy when Quagmire finds out Taylor Hanson is really a guy. He begins to drive erratically, then pulls to the side of the road until he can regain his composure.

TRITHAL puts his forehead in his hand for a minute, then looks up and says to THRAX: "Thanks alot for that, you ass! You just gave our van driver a freak-out attack!"

THRAX (perplexed): "Why? What did I do?"

TRITHAL: "You shouldn't have told him that I have Minako's memories! When they were younger, Minako and Jeff, ahem, 'experimented' with each other."

THRAX (experiencing delayed reaction): "Ohh-- OOHHH!!!! GOOD GOD! What a disturbing mental picture! EEWWWW!!!!"

TRITHAL: "Yeah! Now, thanks to you, I might have to throw my Assistant Master in the loony bin!"

THRAX: "Well, how come you're not bothered by it?"

TRITHAL: "I've experienced 1000 years worth of 'awkward encounters'... from the perspective of either side. That kind of shit doesn't bother me anymore."

Jeff is still sitting in the driver's seat freaked out, so TRITHAL and THRAX step out of the van, help get Jeff out from behind the wheel, to one of the back seats. While they do this, they notice a billboard ahead which reads, 'Explore the Scarlet Rose Cave! Battle the fierce monsters that live beneath the Echigoya Mountains! Earn EXP! Next Exit!'

TRITHAL: "Hey! That looks like something interesting! Maybe we should go check that out."

THRAX: "Yeah! We haven't had nearly enough battle time since this chapter started. Let's go do it!"

Once Jeff is securely buckled in one of the back seats, TRITHAL takes the wheel and resumes course on the highway. At the next exit, they find signs directing them to the location of the dungeon advertised on the billboard. It takes roughly about 15 minutes of travel down the two-lane back roads to get to the place.

Once there, they notice a set-up kinda resembling the Onyx Cave in Eureka Springs, Arkansas. There's a small parking lot outside a building that kinda looks like a gift shop. TRITHAL finds a place to park amongst the 10-or-so other vehicles. As they get out, despite being parked under numerous shade trees, the party decides it's too hot to leave the still-freaked Jeff in the van, so THRAX, being the strongest in the group, is elected to carry Jeff in tow into the building.

Inside the shop, the party finds items such as Energy Potions, Health Potions, Ally Down's, and various other stuff you'd expect to find in a standard RPG item shop. Along with all that, there are also t-shirts, souvenirs, and what-not... including a few copies of the rare book "Sweedish-made Penis Enlargers and Me: This sort of thing is my bag, baby" by Austin Powers. Also in the shop is a save point... where at this very moment a party of three materialize after being game-overed.

Person 1: "This sucks! You can't get any farther than level 4 without being defeated!"

Person 2: "Maybe we're not strong enough!"

Person 3: "Yeah. It's lucky we even made it that far!"

The group of three return their guide manuals to the attendant at the counter, then leave the building. Our party, led by TRITHAL and THRAX, approach the counter.

Attendant: "Welcome adventurers to the Scarlet Rose Dungeon! Are you interested in taking the quest?"

THRAX: "Yeah, sure. What's the quest?"

Attendant (a'la Olmec from 'Ledgends of the Hidden Temple'): "Deep within the caverns beneath us is the Great Crimson Chamber, wherein lives the Cerise Minotaur who guards 「Vermilion Rat Tail Statue」. Many have ventured after the statue, but only a few have returned with it.... these people in these pictures behind me." (points to pictures on wall behind counter) "If you are able to venture through all six levels, defeat the Cerise Minotaur, and bring the statue back here, you will be handsomely rewarded to the tune of 20,000 GP."

TRITHAL: "Damn! That's pretty sweet!"

Palledoris: "So what all stands in the way of the Great Crimson Chamber?"

Attendant: "You'll find a list of all the monsters you'll have to fight right here in this manual." (points to copy of guide manual) "Entry fee is 10 GP per person for the first three, then 15 GP for each additional. This allows you a copy of the guide, use of the save point, and three game-overs... as well as access to the item shop here. So then, will you be accepting the quest?"

ACCEPT QUEST?
-YES-
-NO-


The party huddles together...

THRAX: "I say let's do it. We'll divide up into three strategically-sound groups so as to avoid paying the extra fees, and go in together."

TRITHAL: "Good idea." (to Jeff) "You're coming, too. I have to make sure my assistant master is competent enough to represent the Kaze sword appropriately. I'll pay the extra fee."

Jeff (still somewhat freaked out): "Are you sure? I'm still somewhat freaked out!"

TRITHAL: "If you're gonna hold a lofty title such as 'Assistant Master', you'll have to be ready for whatever comes your way at whatever time it comes. Here..." (hands Jeff a small pipe) "Take a few hits of this. It'll calm you down."

「Jeff Takenouchi, Assistant Master of the Kaze Sword」 JOINS THE PARTY

Palledoris: "So, how are we gonna divide up?"

TRITHAL: "What do our stats look like?"

TRITHAL (LV 17 DIVINE WIND; 88/88 HP; 79/79 SP; 2107/3000 EXP)
AXEM (LV 15 INCARCERATED; 80/80 HP; 79/79 SP; 1904/3000 EXP)
THRAX (LV 17 HELL FIRE; 73/73 HP; 110/110 SP; 2341/3000 EXP)
CHRIS (LV 13 OBJECT OF RIDICULE; 76/76 HP; 88/88 SP; 1707/3000 EXP)
Palledoris (LV 27 DARKNESS FLAME; 107/107 HP; 100/100 SP; 2766 EXP)
Aelle (LV 24 AIR FLAME; 96/96 HP; 100/100 SP; 2723 EXP)
Anri (LV 20 ICE DRAGON; 80/80 HP; 100/100 SP; 2642 EXP)
Alys (LV 20 HOLY DRAGON; 79/79 HP; 100/100 SP; 2732 EXP)
Danika (LV 19 FOREST DRAGON; 77/77 HP; 100/100 SP; 2366 EXP)
Rishna (LV 19 LIGHTENING DRAGON; 77/77 HP; 100/100 SP; 2342 EXP)
Jeff (LV 10 A.M. of KAZE SWORD; 59/59 HP; 51/51 SP; 1024 EXP)

TRITHAL: "Damn, Jeff! You need to level up!"

THRAX: "Ok. I'll take Alys and Chris... since Chris has the most-powerful weapon & Alys has the most-powerful defenses... which you would need if you were in a group with Chris."

CHRIS, as usual, has wandered off and found something else to interest him (the copies of the Austin Powers book), so he was totally oblivious to what was just said about him. His inability to stay focused proves THRAX's point.

TRITHAL: "I'll take Jeff, Danika and Anri with me, so as to keep the elements diversified as best as possible."

Palledoris: "So then that leaves me, Aelle and Rishna for the last group."

THRAX: "Everyone agree?"

Everyone nods in acknowledgment with THRAX.

THRAX (to Attendant): "Ok. We'll take your quest."

ACCEPT QUEST?
>YES<
-NO-


While each group registers with the attendant and pays their fees, THRAX heads off to the shop's bathroom to drop some kids off at the pool and prepare for the upcoming ordeal. After everyone else has finished with the attendant, they purchase some necessities from the item shop, use the save point, and wait for THRAX.

Upon entering the bathroom, THRAX noticed that it actually had a working shower. Having seen this, he decided to partake, hoping his other party members wouldn't be too peeved about it. After showering, THRAX decides to break out his hair straightening iron because his hair is too curly and WAY overdue for a cut and he doesn't want it bothering him during this new side quest as it promises to have more consecutive battles than they are used to. After what seemed like an eternity, THRAX finally finishes up and rejoins his party members.

CHRIS: "Oh dude, your hair looks awesome! It's all long and straight and stuff! That's great! It looks a million times cooler than anybody else I know!" (as he bows he his head): "Stompness."

TRITHAL: "Uh, what about my hair? Mine has about three years on Thrax's. My hair is halfway down my back; whereas Thrax's hair is barely even with his ears."

CHRIS (ignoring TRITHAL): "Thrax, your hair is so great! If Trithal were here, he would be so jealous because you have long hair but it doesn't make you look like a girl!"

TRITHAL: "Yeah, whatever, Chris. I'm not that prima donna about my hair like some people seem to think I am. I just think girls aren't the only ones that can have shiny shimmering hair. I just love my hair. It's one of my more cooler features, Chris."

CHRIS: "Trithal, nobody gives a shit about your hair! If you wouldn't deify it then people might actually give a shit."

TRITHAL: "Hey, stop cock-sucking Thrax's dick! I am just proud of my hair, ok?! What's with your gay fettish for Thrax's hair, anyway? His hair totally sucks compared to mine. I don't get why--oh, wait, you worship Thrax. Why don't you try viewing Thrax face value!?"

Palledoris: "Would you two put this argument off until later? We have more important things to do right now."

THRAX: "Yeah, let's get going."

TRITHAL: "Yeah, let's go. This is as pointless as that time I tried to conduct an orchestra with my penis........"

(flashback sequence a'la Family Guy)

(Setting: Some ampitheater with TRITHAL standing at the podium waving his cock at the orchestra)

guy in orchestra: "Hey! We can't see that thing! It's too small!"

TRITHAL shoots energy blast thru fore-finger at guy in orchestra.


(return to reality)

And now they all finally enter the dungeon, having never bitched THRAX out for taking so damn long in the bathroom.

GROUP ONE:
THRAX (LV 17; 73/73 HP; 110/110 SP; 2341/3000 EXP)
CHRIS (LV 13; 76/76 HP; 88/88 SP; 1707/3000 EXP)
Alys (LV 20; 79/79 HP; 100/100 SP; 2732 EXP)

GROUP TWO:
TRITHAL (LV 17; 88/88 HP; 79/79 SP; 2107/3000 EXP)
Anri (LV 20; 80/80 HP; 100/100 SP; 2642 EXP)
Danika (LV 19; 77/77 HP; 100/100 SP; 2366 EXP)
Jeff (LV 10; 59/59 HP; 51/51 SP; 1024 EXP)

GROUP THREE:
Palledoris (LV 27; 107/107 HP; 100/100 SP; 2766 EXP)
Aelle (LV 24; 96/96 HP; 100/100 SP; 2723 EXP)
Rishna (LV 19; 77/77 HP; 100/100 SP; 2342 EXP)

No comments:

Post a Comment