Monday, May 9, 2011

EPISODE EIGHTY-SIX: ...bull!

Okay... Now we're here in this room on Level Six with a fountain in the middle of the room. All three groups are here waiting on my slow ass. The water from the fountain appears to be helping restore each member's lost HP.

TRITHAL: "Hey Bob! Did you get my powerade?"

Jeff: "Yeah. And what about my pringles?"

Smilin' Bob: "Yeah here you go..." (hands TRITHAL, Jeff, and CHRIS their requested items)

CHRIS: "Thanks, man! My head is really starting to hurt."

Alys: "That's what you get for casting that stupid spell on yourself, dumbass!"

CHRIS: "Eh, whatever."

Ok... the party resumes their bullshitting as they allow the water from the fountain to restore their health. What's everyone's stats?

GROUP ONE
THRAX (LV 19; 46/77 HP; 19/120 SP; 2963/3000 EXP)
CHRIS (LV 14; 27/80 HP; 2/92 SP; 1877/3000 EXP)
Alys (LV 20; 64/79 HP; 61/100 SP; 3176EXP)

GROUP TWO
TRITHAL (LV 19; 84/92 HP; 16/85 SP; 2698/3000 EXP)
Anri (LV 20; 23/80 HP; 22/100 SP; 3165 EXP)
Danika (LV 19; 52/77 HP; 18/100 SP; 2971 EXP)
Jeff (LV 13; 13/66 HP; 4/57 SP; 2063 EXP)

GROUP THREE
Palledoris (LV 27; 44/107 HP; 36/100 SP; 3327 EXP)
Aelle (LV 24; 18/96 HP; 54/100 SP; 3296 EXP)
Rishna (LV 19; 56/77 HP; 82/100 SP; 2783 EXP)

TRITHAL (after chugging powerade): "Yeah, we're just gonna chill here for a little bit and rest up while this restorative water does it's thing."

THRAX: "Instead of camping out to allow our SP to recover, we're just gonna use some of the energy potions we bought at the item shop... since we're kinda running late."

Jeff (munching on pringles): "Yeah. I told my mom I'd be back with her van in a few hours.... and it's been a few hours and we haven't even made it to Mordentshire yet."

Palledoris: "If every other enemy in this pathetic dungeon is any indication, this upcoming boss fight should be cake."

TRITHAL: "Yeah. It's gonna be the easiest 20,000 GP we've made so far."

THRAX: "Or maybe, it'll be the hardest... and they want it to be easy to get to and impossible to beat."

The party continues to carry on random, pointless conversation as the restorative water fully restores their spent HP and the energy potions restore their spent SP. Soon after, the party gets up and prepares to enter the Crimson Chamber.

The inside of the Crimson Chamber is painted black and illuminated with black lights and red accent lights. Our party sees what looks like the stage at a death metal concert, with stalagtites hanging from the ceiling and brimstone-type protrusions from below, while in the back sits an empty throne. To the right, there appears to be a door to the outside which is standing open. Since this room is otherwise devoid of life, THRAX approaches the door to find the Cerise Minotaur and the attendant from the item shop sitting on a rock outside the building smoking cigarettes.

THRAX: "Uh, hey! Aren't we supposed to have a boss fight or something?"

Minotaur (in normal guy's voice): "Oh, shit! Sorry! Gimmie just a second..." (to attendant): "I'll see you later."

Attendant: "Yeah, later. Have fun!"

The Minotaur walks back into the room, closes the door behind him, walks up to the throne and flips some switches on the console next to him which cues up some spooky inner-chamber music and starts up a fogger machine and some strobe lights.

Minotaur (in fiercer, more-menacing voice): "Well, I should congradulate you on making it this far... but I fear your efforts will be in vain. YOU WILL NOT GET THIS STATUE FROM ME!"

TRITHAL (a'la some random action anime): "Is that so? You know, the last guy who said something like that to me is a little bit on the dead side..."

Minotaur (in regular guy voice again): "Wait a minute... there are 3 groups of you here. There's usually only one at a time. Oh well... (in fierce voice again) I got pleanty of minions to keep all of you busy!"

BATTLE MODE ON

THRAX (LV 19; 77/77 HP; 120/120 SP; 2963/3000 EXP)
CHRIS (LV 14; 80/80 HP; 92/92 SP; 1877/3000 EXP)
Alys (LV 20; 79/79 HP; 100/100 SP; 3176 EXP)

TRITHAL (LV 19; 92/92 HP; 85/85 SP; 2698/3000 EXP)
Anri (LV 20; 80/80 HP; 100/100 SP; 3165 EXP)
Danika (LV 19; 77/77 HP; 100/100 SP; 2971 EXP)
Jeff (LV 13; 66/66 HP; 57/57 SP; 2063 EXP)

Palledoris (LV 27; 107/107 HP; 100/100 SP; 3327 EXP)
Aelle (LV 24; 96/96 HP; 100/100 SP; 3296 EXP)
Rishna (LV 19; 77/77 HP; 100/100 SP; 2783 EXP)

The Minotaur summons all three of his groups of minions. A group of three Calf Demons confronts TRITHAL's group, the diabolical SAMMY HAGAR confronts THRAX's group, and Palledoris's group gets confronted by a swarm of Stalagtite Snakes.

Rishna (a'la the Family Guy movie when Stewie is at the bottom of the pool): "Eww! Slithering things!"

Aelle: "You shouldn't get creeped-out so easiy... Eek! One of them touched me!"

Palledoris: "Would you get ahold of youselves? We have a fight going on here!"

As she is saying this, one of the Snakes slithers close to Palledoris. She shudders.

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TRITHAL withdraws his Wind Sword II and envokes BLADES OF WIND at the Calf Demons. They each lose 22/206 HP.

Anri envokes ICE SHATTER, which causes a huge ball of ice to descend onto the Calf Demons and shatter, causing 31/184 HP damage.

Danika envokes FOREST TORNADO, which sends a whirlwind of splinters, leaves, branches, and tree limbs crashing into the Calf Demons. They lose 29/153 HP.

Jeff goes all-out and uses 30 SP to envoke DANCE OF BLADES, in which he withdraws his Katana sword and spins around like a tornado, slashing away at the Calf Demons... causing 86/124 HP damange.

TRITHAL: "Very nice, assistant master!"

The Calf demons attempt a melee attack against the whole group and attempts to CHARGE at them. Fortunately, each member of the group has high evasion, so no one loses any HP.

TRITHAL envokes SHOCKWAVE, a middle-ranged attack, and uses his sword to thrust a wave of wind energy toward the demons, hence the simplicity of the name. Each demon loses 47/38 HP. The Calf Demons are defeated.

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SIMULTANEOUSLY... THRAX's group fights the diabolical SAMMY HAGAR............
..........
..........

THRAX: "Hey, Evil Ray!"

Evil Ray (walking up to THRAX from somewhere off-camera): "Moshimoshi?"

THRAX: "What the fuck is up with this? I mean, 'Sammy Hagar'? Pssh! I know you're out of ideas and all, but this is borderline retarded!"

Evil Ray: "Well, why not? The general theme of this whole dungeon is the color red... so why not include the 'Red Rocker'? What? Don't you like the ideas I pull outta my ass?"

THRAX: "Not really. They all stink like shit."

Evil Ray: "Whatever." (walks away and disappears off-camera)
...........
...........

Anywho, SAMMY HAGAR takes the first shot and throws numerous guitar picks at THRAX. THRAX loses 4/77 HP.

THRAX, pissed that SAMMY wasted such valuable picks, stabs SAMMY with his short sword causing 50/123 damage. THRAX is suprised at how low SAMMY HAGAR's endurance is.

CHRIS pulls out a rubber chicken and procedes to play it like a guitar while singing (badly) "Baking Carrot Biscuits" (parody of Taking care of business)... Sammy, horrfied at such a spectacle, smacks himself as if he were dreaming, losing 3/73 HP.

Alys, being better at recovery than attacking, uses 5 SP and invokes HEAL 1 to restore THRAX's lost HP.

SAMMY HAGAR does a guitar solo that is so loud that CHRIS covers his ears and screams, "OH MY GOD!!!!!!! Turn that down! If my eardrums explode, you're payin the medical, dude!" CHRIS loses 20/80 HP.

THRAX, being the only one in his group with any real musical talent, breaks out his B.C. Rich Warlock and plays some random death riffs...a portal to hell opens up and Sammy's mom pops her head out.

Sammys mom: "Sammy-boy, dinners ready. Come inside! You can play with your friends later!"

SAMMY: "Mom, I'm a little busy here!"

THRAX's move cost him 55 SP, but did no damage. It did, however distract everyone in the group, and somehow everyone managed to miss their turn... so SAMMY HAGAR does the Fillmore Shuffle just like he did in said song in 1977. This unusual move caused each group member to lose 1 HP.

THRAX, still distracted, misses his turn again.

CHRIS, with the original intention of being silly, happened to come across a spell in his Wizard's Staff manual which invokes DAVID LEE ROTH. After CHRIS spends 24 SP to envoke this attack, DAVID LEE ROTH appears before SAMMY HAGAR, and then in the middle of the room the Celebrity Death Match ring appears. As clay-anamation characters, the two have a guitar solo contest. After SAMMY HAGAR does his, the crowd rushes the stage and tears him apart. SAMMY HAGAR is defeated.

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ALSO at the same time, Palledoris's group squeamishly fights with the Stalagtite Snakes. As Palledors, Aelle, and Rishna are all afraid of snakes (despite being demon worshippers), Palledoris simply spends 64 SP and envokes DARNESS FLAME, which consumes the whole horde of snakes in flaims of darkenss. All Stalagtite Snakes are defeated.

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Cerise Minotaur: "You may have defeated them, but you wont beat me!"

the giant bull lets out a roar in an attempt to intimidate the groups.

THRAX: "Oh yeah? I can come up with a scarier growl than that!"

THRAX bellows out his loudest and most obnoxious death metal growl that would make Satan himself think twice.

Cerise Minotaur (in regular guy voice): "Aw, fuck it. You guys are too powerful for this stupid shit anyway. Here, just take the statue."

BATTLE MODE OFF

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THRAX's group GAINS 104 EXP

THRAX GAINS A LEVEL:
LV 19>20; HP 77>79; SP 120>122
THRAX LEARNS "DRAGON CASTE"
THRAX HAS REACHED END-GAME

Alys GAINS A LEVEL
LV 20>21; HP 79>81; SP 100=100

THRAX (LV 20; 76/79 HP; 65/122 SP; 3067 EXP)
CHRIS (LV 14; 59/80 HP; 68/92 SP; 1981/3000 EXP)
Alys (LV 21; 78/81 HP; 95/100 SP; 3280 EXP)

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TRITHAL's group GAINS 211 EXP

TRITHAL GAINS A LEVEL:
LV 19>20; HP 92>94; SP 85>88

Danika GAINS A LEVEL:
LV 19>20; HP 77>79; SP 100=100

Jeff GAINS TWO LEVELS:
LV 13>15; HP 66>70; SP 57>62
Jeff LEARNS "KAZE SPIRIT"

TRITHAL (LV 20; 94/94 HP; 88/88 SP; 2909/3000 EXP)
Anri (LV 20; 80/80 HP; 100/100 SP; 3376 EXP)
Danika (LV 20; 79/79 HP; 100/100 SP; 3182 EXP)
Jeff (LV 15; 70/70 HP; 27/62 SP; 2274 EXP)

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Palledoris' group GAINS 98 EXP

Palledoris (LV 27; 107/107 HP; 36/100 SP; 3425 EXP)
Aelle (LV 24; 96/96 HP; 100/100 SP; 3394 EXP)
Rishna (LV 19; 77/77 HP; 100/100 SP; 2979 EXP)

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Cerise Minotaur (reading from script, in fierce voice): "Congradulations on your glorious victory. You shall forever be known as the ones who defeated the GREAT CERISE...." (in normal voice) "... Aw screw this. This is all gay anyway. I mean, if I knew they would name me 'Cerise' Minotaur, I wouldn't have taken this job. It sounds like such a girly-name." (to party): "Just go out that door over there, hang a right and go up the stairs, and you'll be at the item shop. Larry will cut you a check for your 20k."

TRITHAL: "Kickass!"

The party exits the room via the door leading outside, goes up the steps and through the back door to the Item Shop.

Attendant (as if reciting from a memorized script in a don't-really-give-a-shit tone): "Ah, I see you've retrieved the Vermillion Rat Tail Statue. Congradulations and what-not. Stand over there and I'll take your picture..."

The party stands against a blank white wall while the attendant snaps a polaroid. After everyone gets the flash out of their eyes, they see a not-so-good picture of themselves get hanged on the "wall of champions" behind the counter.

Attendant: "Here's your check for 20,000 GP and free commemorative t-shirts. Feel free to autograph your picture if you like. Thank you for participating in the Scarlet Rose Dungeon, Have a nice day and what-the-fucking-ever."

The tiny polaroid wasn't large enough to fit everyone's names, so the party decides not to sign it. Instead they just collect their check and their t-shirts then exit the item shop. Three hours have passed since they've entered and it's almost 2:00 PM.

Jeff: "Man, my mom's gonna freak when I get back so late."

TRITHAL: "Just tell her your new master gave you an assignment or something."

The group loads up in the van and heads back toward the Mordentshire highway.

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