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「GROUP THREE」
Smilin' Bob: "Well, so how are you fine ladies doin?"
Palledoris: "What are you doing down here? You should be up in the booth narrating."
Smilin' Bob: "Yeah, well... You've been squashing most of the enemies down here like ants so far, so there really isn't a point to keep up with the narration. I would much rather spend time chatting with a beautiful group of girls such as yourselves. Plus, Evil Ray, Jeremy and Jeremiah are kinda wanting to hurry this shit up a lil bit."
Rishna: "I want that too! I'm in a huge hurry to free Axem! He's just so sexy and charming!"
Aelle: "You want this to hurry up? Well fine! Get the fuck back into your narrating booth and narrate us to the final boss!"
Smilin' Bob: "Oh man! Why can't we just stay here and have sex? I haven't gotten to truly show off my gargantuan package since taking all that damn Enzyte!... Stop giving me that look!... OK, fine!"
(Smilin' Bob crawls back into Narrator's Booth)
Okay. So these three powerful beauties make their way through the various levels of this dungeon, eventually ending up...
Jeremy: "You're just going to leave it like that?"
Sure why not?
Jeremy: "Well, where the hell do they end up?"
Pssh! The hell if I know! You'll have to ask Evil Ray. He's the one doing the writing right now! I'm just sitting up here doing the play-by-play.
Palledoris (to Jeremy): "Uh, who are you and where the hell did you come from?"
Jeremy: "I helped to create you, so I thought I'd do like Evil Ray did back in Episode 53 and make a cameo appearance."
Aelle: "Well, get the hell outta here! You're impeading our progress!"
Rishna: "Yeah! Why don't you go find Evil Ray and give him some more ideas so we don't have to screw around with all this boring shit!"
Jeremy: "Well, why don't you just ignore me and get going! I'm not stopping you!"
Finally, after all that unnecessarily-extended dialogue, GROUP THREE moves on to the next room and Jeremy vanishes into thin air like he usually does.
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Ah, here's something interesting... on Level Three GROUP TWO has found themselves in a room with an intricate puzzle system. Let's take a closer look...
TRITHAL (reading from guide manual): "'In the center of this room you will find five boxes lined up in a row. Each box is marked with the missing characters to the well-known phrase that has been written on the floor...'"
Danika (studies markings on boxes and floor): "I can't read any of this..."
Anri: "Neither can I. Is this Chinese or something?"
Jeff (munching on a can of Pringles): "Close... it's Japanese."
TRITHAL (continues reading): "'... If you can solve this puzzle, a shortcut will open to the next level. Otherwise, you will have to take the long way to Level Four.' (to Jeff): Now then, Assistant Master, how about you give it a try?"
Jeff (studying the phrase): "I think I know this phrase, but I don't know how the characters on the boxes are supposed to fit within it."
Anri: "I can't even tell what it's supposed to be saying. How are you two able to read it?"
Jeff: "Duh! We're Samurai player-characters! We naturally know how to read and speak Japanese. TRITHALさま、本とですか。"
TRITHAL: "Jeffくん、はい、本とです。"
Anri: "... sorry I asked!"
TRITHAL and Jeff spend some time trying to figure out how the boxes with the characters are supposed to fit in the puzzle. Then, after several rounds of trial and error, they finally find the solution: box 4 up, box 1 down, box 5 right, box 3 down, box 2 left. Since LiveJournal will try to convert ASCII to HTML, I'm not able to show you a diagram of the solution, so you'll have to use your imagination.
Anywho, they solve the puzzle and move on to Level Four.
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... well, here we are! Level Four! Whoop-de-fucking-do! Our three groups are plowing through the rooms at pretty much the same speed... This is boring!
You know what? Fuck this! I'm going to the item shop for some munchies. I'll be right back...
Jeff: "Hey Bob! How about you be a dude and get me some more pringles while you're at the item shop!"
TRITHAL: "Yeah! I could use an arctic shatter powerade, too.
What size?
TRITHAL: "The biggest one they got."
Y'all got any money?
TRITHAL: "Yeah, here!" (throws a 20 GP coin at Bob) "Keep the change!"
Does anyone else need anything?
Palledoris: "No, we're good!"
THRAX: "Yeah, same here!"
CHRIS: "Wait, can you get me some asprin or something? I'm starting to get a headache."
Yeah, sure. No problem............................
........................................
........................................
「ITEM SHOP」
Smilin' Bob (to attendant): "Hey, can I get some Doritos, a can of Pringles, and the biggest Arctic Shatter powerade... and oh yean some asprin or something?"
attendant: "How about Tylenol?"
Smilin' Bob: "Sure, whatever. Why the fuck not?"
Attendant: "Arctic Shatter? We sold out of that last time I looked."
Smilin' Bob: "Well, TRITHAL is threatening to rip YuYu Hakusho off again and use his kyped 'Spirit Gun' and blast me if I don't get him one."
Attendant (noticing the Coca-Cola truck pull up outside): "Well, here comes the Coke guy. Maybe he's bringing some."
(Coke guy walks in, props door open and wheels in various high-quality Coca-Cola products with a hand truck)
Smilin' Bob: "Oh, Hey Jeremiah! Didn't know you were working today!"
Jeremiah: "Yeah! Why do you think Evil Ray is doing the writing?"
Smilin' Bob: "Well, do you have any Arctic Shatter Powerade on that hand truck of yours?"
(a'la 'Terminator 2', Jeremiah shoves hand into bottom box on hand truck and withdraws an unusually cold Arctic Shatter Powerade, and hands it to Smilin' Bob)
Jeremiah: "Yeah, it's hard to keep this stuff in stock most of the time. It's pretty fucking popular! By the way, how's Evil Ray doing with the dungeon writing stuff?"
Smilin' Bob: "Shitty. He's just whizzing through the whole thing. I think he might be out of ideas or something. He's even desperate enough to rip directly off of Family Guy."
Jeremiah: "Shit! Well, if I wasn't working, and having to deal with a ton of other shit at the moment, I would help out."
Smilin' Bob: "I see. Well, thanks for the powerade!"
Jeremiah : "Sure thing." (hands attendant invoice)
(Smilin' Bob pays attendant then returns to narrator booth)........
........................................
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「LEVEL FIVE」
Ok, where were we?
(BOOM!)
........
........
........
CHRIS (in distance): "Heh-heh-heh. What a mess."
What the hell was that?
THRAX (from distance): "That was Chris ripping off of Duke Nukem. He pulled out a grenade launcher and blew up the last of these Mutant Allegators."
TRITHAL: "Hurry your ass up, Bob! We're waiting on you!"
OK, I'm coming! Hang on.......
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