EPISODE NINE: Back to the Labyrinth

Once ashore, the party re-traces their steps back to the entrance to the labyrinth. AXEM shudders when he passes the spot where the hotties from Episode 2 gave him VD. When they arrive a the mouth of the cave, they found 3 slightly-raised piles of dirt where the corpses of the goblins they killed earlier were. CHRIS is amazed at how quickly they decomposed.

TRITHAL withdraws from his pack the item he collected from storage. 

TRITHAL: "With this doo-hicky I should be able to locate the princess using the signal from her cellphone and our GPS data that I magically scanned from the map we got." he says.

AXEM: "How is it that we have all this modern technology, yet we're in the middle of an ancient land?"

TRITHAL: "Well, this is the 21st century, and we are in the land of fantasy. Anything's possible! Take our friend Chris for example. If we felt like it, we can make him take the form of a jackass!"

AXEM and TRITHAL turn to look at CHRIS, who now is in the form of a jackass and says, "What? I don't get it."

TRITHAL quotes his signature phrase: "Whatever!" Then the party ventures into the cave while CHRIS is now all-of-a-sudden back to his original form.

Once inside, TRITHAL activates his gadget (*chortle*) and says "That asshole town crier dude gave me the princess's cellphone number. If it still has battery power, I should be able to locate her." 

He then starts entering information, and within seconds, sounds emanate from it like it's making a phone call. After a few rings, someone answers, then immediately cuts out. 

TRITHAL: "Well, her phone has some power to it. Now we know where to find her." 

The party then makes their way to the location.

Once there, they find an 18-year old girl with a perfect figure and long blonde hair, curled up in a corner of the labyrinth. AXEM, being apt with females, approaches her and says, "Hey there! We're here to rescue you!"

The girl looks up and asks, "Who are you?"

AXEM galliently responds, "Why, I'm Axem the Stone Pillar. This here is Trithal the Divine Wind, and that's... well that's just Chris."

The girl immediately springs up and in a massive fit of rage shouts, "So you're the cretans who knocked down the catwalk! OOOHHH!!! I got a good mind to kick your ass! Do you know who I am? I'm Princess Ali, the Goddaughter of the mountain king! I could have you all skinned alive, then roasted over a large barbecue pit, eaten, buried, then dug up and tortured all over again!" 

She continued her explosive fit of exponential rage (uncharacteristic of most other teenage girls) while the trio cowers away in fear of the unusual sight. After a few seconds, TRITHAL stood up and said, "Damn it, this is counter-productive! I gotta do something twisted!" He then allowed one of his darker personas to emerge... and as the girl began to flail her arms about in rage, TRITHAL grabbed her right arm, glared with his piercing blue eyes straight into hers, then chanted some spell which caused her to fall asleep. He then flung her unconscious body over his shoulder and turned around. AXEM and CHRIS are now extra-creeped out. 

As his eyes returned to normal, TRITHAL said, "I think this is the girl we're looking for. Let's bail!" AXEM and CHRIS aren't entirely sure what to make of what they just witnessed, but soon regained their composure and followed TRITHAL back through the labyrinth to the exit.